Posts by Good JW

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Sorry if you are depressed, and I hope that you find your answers if that's what matters to you. To answer your question, no, I don't struggle with that. I have more important things to do in my life than wasting it looking for its "meaning".

Hi scratchme1010, I have some dark periods, but wouldn't describe myself as depressed. Definitely had severe depression in my early 20's but managed to deal with it through self help, supplements and the occasional medical treatment (didn't last last since I hated the side effects). Nowadays it's more like Winter blues, and I know how to stop myself brooding on thoughts that lead to the darkest places.

Partly I get down when I feel confused because I like to think I've got all the answers lol. Constantly thinking about life. Like to be in control, and am a natural problem solver. However, like I said, mostly I've become imbalanced from working too much (not left time for rest/leisure/socialisation) - and that's the biggest cause for feeling empty. When you're having fun with friends etc you just don't care so much about these questions; it just feels right.

Some have said in here that they don't have time/mental space for pondering life's meaning - I just don't get that. Obviously it's healthy to have enough activities/friends to distract you, but I can't see how this question isn't somewhat important as surely it shapes how you live your life now? Otherwise we're just "existing" (trying to survive like an animal) and that's it?

Admittedly, this same line of reasoning is a bit like "who created God" when a religionists says life couldn't have created itself. If I were to say that "surely life has an ultimate purpose/goal", then one could say but what makes that goal meaningful? And the circular nature goes on until one has to just say "it is what it is". All I can say is that there is truth in the whole "more happiness in giving than receiving", and at least for me that's one step ahead of "just existing" (doing what you can to survive).

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

I like the comments about finding yourself (now that you're free). It's taken some time for that pompous JW nature to wear off! I actually prided myself in being a pious JW, the type who would always be smack bang in the middle of the org (no double life). I had many JW goals, and came from a strong JW family of 3 generations.

What I find interesting is the facet of "letting my hair down". I find that difficult! People who I meet are pretty cool about it though, and find it fascinating (one lady said I was weird in a good way lol!). I attribute much of it to this whole act I've had to put on my whole life - acting like I had everything together, and was a "holy person". The pretense was so strong that even after leaving I still found myself lying to myself! Simply being who you are (warts 'n' all) feels painful sometimes. Afraid of people seeing your "nakedness". But this comes a lot more naturally to "worldly people".

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Wow there's some really good comments in here, much more content to ponder. Much appreciated. I especially like the comments from those who've improved since leaving, found purpose in giving, and seeing the love/beauty in life etc.

To answer some questions:

I've been out the org. for around 4 years now. It's been one monumental change after another, including many deaths in family (father etc). During that time my wife and I have almost lost our home. We've fallen out with JW family members too (felt betrayed after all we did for them). Pretty intense stuff (waking up from a cult, being shunned etc). Fortunately I'm still young enough (early thirties) to make something of my life, so there's that.

Some have mentioned about basically "doing stuff" that brings meaning - I'd agree and would generally have given that same advice to others. However in my case the funny thing is that I'm a highly driven person and already feel pretty accomplished (to **some** degree). In the process of starting up a business at the moment (for example). Albeit, I think that this ambitious nature makes me more prone to depression since I'm my own worst enemy - a perfectionist. I believe my main problem at the moment is over-working and imbalance (to the point of having zero social life). Got a one track mind that's great for getting things done, but very easy at becoming obsessive. That includes the study of psychology/philosophy. I get to the point of frustration, and almost feel like I'm living some cruel game and want to reach to the "next level".

One of my future endeavours (once emotions etc have settled) is to put my energy into philanthropic pursuits. Not so much in just donating money to people (think that's kind of "distant"), but more in ways of giving people the tools they need to improve their lives (ranging from cheaper housing to simple farm land in poorer countries etc). Or even some sort of organisation for ex JWs giving psychological help (something for every city) - that's something dear to me. Only problem is that in order to help I need to help myself! I need to have my sh*t together but sometimes fall prey to phases of hopelessness. This thread was more about feedback than completely "propping me up". It's just so nice to get a wider perspective.

Times without a caring relationship seem the most meaningless.

I think this is probably one of the biggest issues. Humans need to feel connected; we could do everything possible in the world (be brilliant at whatever pursuit), but if we feel "alone" it would be futile. You can be around so many people and still feel alone. Yet in a healthy relationship with someone (or people) it's like there's a cover-up hormone that dispels negativity - a switch inside your mind.

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Thank you all for the great comments so far, really appreciate it!

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Yes, I am.
Besides losing the hope to live forever, my life has been shaken up again (fall out from leaving).
I don't even know who I am right now.
I have no motivation for anything.
If it wasn't for my Kids, I would have a hard time getting out of bed.

ttdtt - so sorry for your hard times lately! Family fall outs are the hardest, especially if you were close-knit. I hope things settle down and you get some peace/motivation soon.

It's times like this you realise how much the ex JW movement needs to stick together. Heck even some form of "church" would be great where it's all about the community - no forcing of beliefs, just up building gatherings with speeches etc (reconnecting people who are vulnerable). All sorts welcome. Then people like yourself can bring value to the table just as before (some were elders, pioneers etc), except it's translated into non JW forms.

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

Good JW

Just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls? When I left the JWs it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time I felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful. I find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly). There's all the banter/chatter about night outs, fitness, business etc but not much else that I found engaging. It often felt like this is all just a big huge distraction from the shallowness of life!

Is this because I was a JW? Or a pessimistic/over-thinking personality trait?

Even now I sometimes find myself pondering the "vanity of existence". I see people (myself included) seemingly living life as slaves/robots - going through the same old rut of work, rest, play (like a bunch of animals living out their instincts as if with some purpose)...rinse and repeat. When resting/reminiscing you talk about it as if it was meaningful and made sense.

Then there's the religious aspects. If you believe there's more to life than this, then the same "futile" process repeats then too. Work (improve your soul), rest/leisure, thank God, and repeat. No matter what stage you're at/belief you hold, there seems to be a "next level" to strive towards - and that's what keeps the person going. Now and then I look at it all and feel "what's the point???".

Sorry to sound depressing here! Just wanted to briefly touch on this subject...

41

An Active JW Sister Modelling For Me

by pale.emperor in

since leaving the borg i jumped both feet first into classes i've always wanted to do but was never "allowed" to.

two of which are life drawing and photography.

i've been studying for almost two years now and have seen more nude men and women in our classes than i care to remember.. today in the photography studio i was working in with three others (two women, one man) we were told we had a new person modelling for us.

Good JW

Some prefer this...

41

An Active JW Sister Modelling For Me

by pale.emperor in

since leaving the borg i jumped both feet first into classes i've always wanted to do but was never "allowed" to.

two of which are life drawing and photography.

i've been studying for almost two years now and have seen more nude men and women in our classes than i care to remember.. today in the photography studio i was working in with three others (two women, one man) we were told we had a new person modelling for us.

Good JW

clearly need to see some pics

Here you go...

41

An Active JW Sister Modelling For Me

by pale.emperor in

since leaving the borg i jumped both feet first into classes i've always wanted to do but was never "allowed" to.

two of which are life drawing and photography.

i've been studying for almost two years now and have seen more nude men and women in our classes than i care to remember.. today in the photography studio i was working in with three others (two women, one man) we were told we had a new person modelling for us.

Good JW

One thing I've noticed is that some JWs just don't have the same perceptions/guilt trips that most do. Not saying that's a bad thing, just quite an anomaly. A sister in my congregation went into normal modelling (or at least tried), which many in the hall would have seen as "Satanic/worldly/unspiritual".

It just gives the congregation more gossip to distract from their sad lives :)

33

Manmade rules

by Jrjw in

i was talking to someone a few years ago and he said in his congregation they have a rail of white shirts prepared in the cloakroom for if a speaker doesn't have a white shirt on.

it was a rule in their hall that all brothers in the platform must wear white shirts when going talks and if the speaker won't comply when asked to change into the shirt they provide an elder in the congregation will do the talk instead.

i have never known any other halls do it so it must be a rule the elders have made up without gb input.

Good JW

At my hall the brothers couldn't have "privileges" if they didn't have a suit jacket on. So in boiling hot temperatures where the hall was not ventilated (mostly because the elderly still thought it was "cold" lol), you just had to put up with almost fainting.

Mind you, it came in handy because I hated microphone duties, so often "forgot" to bring my jacket :)

"Sorry sir, I left my PE kit at home"